starting to see light again

I am slowly putting myself back together. I still have to make an appointment with Dr. Morstein. I am having a very difficult time with grief. I am sort of scared to talk to her. I am in this very odd comfortable place of darkness, grief, and denial. I feel like if I talk to her, or anybody for that matter it will all be real, and somehow it all isn't right now. I feel like I am existing in this parallel universe somehow. It all feels strange and scary. But I have a few feelings of hope brewing around in there. I feel like some light might start peeking through. Hopefully there will be some peace in there too. Maybe it will help when I have finished picking up all the ashes of all the "chilgren" from the vets office. Just when I start getting the hang of my new reality I have to make another trip up there to pick up. Slow steps.