dealing with grief

I spent the past days miserable. We have lost three of our kitties in the last three weeks. It is beyond devastating. It has been difficult for me to take care of myself. My blood sugar has been through the roof, only the fear that shoots though my whole being when I get thirsty or something else I perceive as an immediate complication (like my foot hurting) snaps me back to an immediate frightening reality. Only then do I check my blood sugar and take my medicine. It is terrifying, it is awful, it is such a dark place. A little part of me feels like my heart hurts so much I don't care how I feel.