wonderful weekennd

I had a amazing Saturday afternoon playing with my niece at the Diamondbacks game. We went to the sand lot and played hard! So hard that after 2 yogurt samples and a kids corn dog my blood sugar was 106! I am so sore I can barely type!
It was good to be active, and good to be able to be active. I paid for it yesterday when I could barely move, but it was so worth it.
Her mom sent a picture of her completely crashed out asleep on the way home. It was worth every sore muscle to picture that sweet little girl running towards me with her arms outstretched asking me to pick her up. Yep, worth every sore muscle I have today.

bad day!

So today I made a complete jerk of myself to a national organization. We are members of the Equality Federation and they sent a flow through message for us to share today with our members. Well, long story short, I totally RUINED it, and ended up having to have the national liaison for the organization fix it for me. Well, I was sooooo frustrated trying to get the message to launch, and it turns out that I was making one of the most ridiculous mistakes possible. Add to this that I accidentally texted the wrong people that I was running late, so I have some people paranoid they are missing a meeting with me, and have left others sitting in a coffee shop waiting for me. Well, I get up to leave to go to the meeting, after receiving a text message from the people waiting for me that I thought knew I was running late, and I am dizzy. Blood sugar: 53. Stopped cold in my tracks. Then I have to apologize to everybody, and tell EQFED that I screwed up because of my low blood sugar, pick up all the things I threw around the office during my temper tantrum and try to put my morning back together. It has taken me almost all day to get this sorted out. grrr...
Feeling better and back on track now at least.

I made it!I

I made it through the dinner, through the anniversary, and I really got some closure on the entire situation. I feel like I have emerged victorious! I feel stronger, I feel like I have overcome a huge obstacle. I think I can do everything again. I have my tracking sheets from Dr Mona again, and I am ready to start doing positive things for myself again. I am ready to start taking care of myself again. It has been a long road. I can do this.

today is the anniversary

Today is my one year anniversary of going into the hospital. Thank goodness I am really busy today and I can't dwell on things. This really messes with my mental health. It is such an odd anniversary. I am not sure ow to acknowledge it. Should I rejoice in being healthy? Am I even feeling remotely healthy? Should I celebrate what I have done in the last year? Feels like I have just stayed alive. Is that really a great accomplishment. Is it normal to feel like I wasted time? Should I cut myself some slack that it has taken me MONTHS to even feel a little bit better. I think I am just going to allow myself a bad mental health day.

feeling stressed

Well, my average blood sugar is beginning to re-enter the realm of not sending me to the hospital. I have been averaging in the low 200's. Not good, but better than I have been in the last month or so. I am not feeling quite so dangerous. The anniversary of the hospitalization, along with the tremendous stress of job stuff right now is really wearing me down. I am going to chart everything for a good strong week so I have some good data to take to Dr Morstein, and I am going to make an appointment to see her after the dinner.
I think I might check in with a therapist too. This anniversary is messing with my head.

insanity!

I am so overwhelmed I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I think I am having panic attacks. I am short of breath and my heart is continually racing. I don't even know what to say. I am going to spend this long weekend trying to get everything caught up. Everything seems SO HARD right now. boo.

completely overwhelmed

I am really overwhelmed with work right now, I am really overwhelmed with life right now, and that I am DIABETIC. hello!!! Last night I think I forgot who I was, and how I am supposed to eat. I stopped on the way home at chik fil a and ordered a chicken nugget combo meal, that came with french fries. I ate it without a thought, and without even thinking about a shot before hand! I realized as I was driving away that I had done that. When I got home my blood sugar was 460! So I had a snack so I could take some insulin, and this morning when I got up my morning blood sugar was 180. It was SOOO weird, like I just forgot for a few minutes that I am diabetic. My brain just fell out of my head. This morning I have done well, and so far so good. I am really stressed at work, so I think that is keeping my blood sugar elevated no matter what I eat.
But I am overall doing a bit better I think. Except my apparent food suicide attempts. Everything will be under control soon. I am feeling clearer headed.